As a woman, it has been brought to my attention that we love a man who does what he does to get us. The thing that we hate is when he stops. Why stop doing what you did to get the woman? If that is what she likes, and that is what she wants, when you stop then you are no longer the same person that she fell for. You cant go from calling a woman randomly, or texting a woman randomly to not doing either one at all. Its one thing to forget to call somebody back, but its another thing to not call them at all and expect them to do all of the possible communicating that is necessary for a relationship to work. You cant take a woman out before you all become official and have a title, then once she is yours you completely stop. You dont want to leave the house. You just become a lazy cheap bum that no longer puts in any effort to keep her happy.
What men need to realize is, that it is hard enough for a woman to meet a man that is going to make her smile day in and day out whether they fight or not. We all know that relationships are not perfect. We are not looking for a fairy tale, but we are looking for happiness. If what you did to get us, the attention you gave is what made us happy, is what made us give you a chance, then maybe you as the guy or girl in some cases that is trying to "get with" us should continue doing what you are doing after we become yours.
Some women have the mentality that just because Im your girl does not mean that I am happy being with you. Of course we try to make it work, we try to stick it out, but lets face it, we are not going to continue to stay with someone that we are not happy with. You may meet a hand full of women these days willing to put up with the crap, but a majority of single women are tired of the crap, tired of the lack of effort to keep us interested, and tired of the lack of creativity.
Im not saying go out and buy a horse, Im not saying fly the girl to vegas or show up with a prada bag. Im saying its the little things that count, whether its tweeting her saying "Hey Boo", having her wake up to a text saying "Hey beautiful", or even if one day you randomly take her for ice cream or just a simple walk in the park. No one said love or attempts of love have to be $20+ expensive. Just having a good time with a person can be enough to sweep them off of their feet and fall in love. People want to be happy, why not keep them that way.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Appreciation, Trust, and other reasons Love fails
After doing a whole lot of thinking about reasons why many of us are good people, but still single, I have drawn the conclusion that a majority of relationships may end because we do not show people we appreciate what they do for us. I for one can say that I have only had two boyfriends in my lifetime, and both of those relationships failed miserably. The first one was a good one, but like I said, he was my first boyfriend. The second one, well, I will just leave that one alone because nothing but negativity came out of it. I will say this, every now and then I did do something or attempt to do something to show I cared. For example, Boyfriend 1, i baked him heart shaped brownies, got him a chocolate rose and got some construction paper and wrote him a love poem. Boyfriend 2, I cant say I did too much for him cuz he did little for me. I was his first girlfriend so you really cant expect too much from a person who has never dated anyone. How would they know what they are doing wrong.
Now, to get to the point of this blog. Shei Atkins has a song out on YouTube called "Get a man, Keep a man". You can copy and paste this link to listen to it on your own time http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jazYgACxHbE The lyrics say, "Nobody taught me how to get a man how to keep a man how to treat a man, nobody showed me how to love a man, how to please a man or take care of him...". After listening to this song a variety of times, I found that this is true for many people. How can you keep someone when you don't know how to treat them. Love isn't something that you just know how to do and what to do to keep someone happy. Sometimes being on the outside hearing people's stories of what has been done for them or what they are doing for someone can give you a few ideas. No its not original but the fact you at least thought about the person should be enough. No one wants to constantly see, be with, and spend their money on someone who doesn't know how to appreciate them, doesn't want to appreciate them, and just constantly take from them. Think of it this way, do you want to be a golddigger or do you want to be in a relationship. It NEEDS to be MUTUAL. If you can't show mutual interest and do things every now and then for someone, then if you are single you might need to stay that way until you are able to get your ish together. But for those that do enter relationships knowing they have nothing to offer, get creative. Some people do like sex, but sex is not a good way of showing your appreciation. Give them a massage, feed fruit to them, take them out for ice cream at baskin robbins on their 31 cent scoop night.
I asked a few men what they like for a woman to do for them to show appreciation. Majority of them said cook. Women, I don't know how to cook and it seems as if I need to learn. I know I am not the only one but if I meet someone prior to learning, if he is willing to be my guinea pig, then I think we can go somewhere. But seriously, men like to eat. Men just like women love to feel appreciated. Fix them dinner, take them out sometimes. It doesn't have to be an expensive dinner, it can be dessert. If your man is sore from a hard day of working out fix him a bath and give him a massage. It's okay to be outrageous and put yourself out there if you really care about someone and love them. If you give that person something to smile about and brag about whether its to themselves or to their friends and it has NOTHING to do with sex, you are getting somewhere. I can tell you right now, sex is not going to keep anyone because they can get it without the relationship.
Another reason that people tend to become single after being in a relationship is trust. If you listened to the song, Shei mentioned going through his things, his cell phone, voicemail, messages, cursing him out, hanging up in his face. Doing things like having other people in your business when you two are going through things, calling exs and stuff like that. People do these things, and these things are things that people DONT want to tolerate. If you think going through someone's things is showing them that you trust them, then maybe you need to rethink your relationship. Maybe you shouldn't be with that person if you feel invading their privacy is necessary.
Be honest with the person you are with also. Of course no one wants to get hurt, but love is a chance that you take when you want someone else in your life. If you do them wrong they have the right to know. People would prefer you be honest than you hide it. If it ends it just wasn't meant to be. No one should deal with someone cheating on them, but people, you should know your significant other, if something is wrong, you will be able to tell if you appreciate them and give them the attention they deserve.
You cant be in a relationship with your guard up, doing things just in case that person leaves. If you are going to be in a relationship you have to give it your all. How will you know if its worth it if you don't. If you half ass your relationship you will find yourself being single. You can't be scared. I know its scary but whatever happens will happen.
Now, to get to the point of this blog. Shei Atkins has a song out on YouTube called "Get a man, Keep a man". You can copy and paste this link to listen to it on your own time http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jazYgACxHbE The lyrics say, "Nobody taught me how to get a man how to keep a man how to treat a man, nobody showed me how to love a man, how to please a man or take care of him...". After listening to this song a variety of times, I found that this is true for many people. How can you keep someone when you don't know how to treat them. Love isn't something that you just know how to do and what to do to keep someone happy. Sometimes being on the outside hearing people's stories of what has been done for them or what they are doing for someone can give you a few ideas. No its not original but the fact you at least thought about the person should be enough. No one wants to constantly see, be with, and spend their money on someone who doesn't know how to appreciate them, doesn't want to appreciate them, and just constantly take from them. Think of it this way, do you want to be a golddigger or do you want to be in a relationship. It NEEDS to be MUTUAL. If you can't show mutual interest and do things every now and then for someone, then if you are single you might need to stay that way until you are able to get your ish together. But for those that do enter relationships knowing they have nothing to offer, get creative. Some people do like sex, but sex is not a good way of showing your appreciation. Give them a massage, feed fruit to them, take them out for ice cream at baskin robbins on their 31 cent scoop night.
I asked a few men what they like for a woman to do for them to show appreciation. Majority of them said cook. Women, I don't know how to cook and it seems as if I need to learn. I know I am not the only one but if I meet someone prior to learning, if he is willing to be my guinea pig, then I think we can go somewhere. But seriously, men like to eat. Men just like women love to feel appreciated. Fix them dinner, take them out sometimes. It doesn't have to be an expensive dinner, it can be dessert. If your man is sore from a hard day of working out fix him a bath and give him a massage. It's okay to be outrageous and put yourself out there if you really care about someone and love them. If you give that person something to smile about and brag about whether its to themselves or to their friends and it has NOTHING to do with sex, you are getting somewhere. I can tell you right now, sex is not going to keep anyone because they can get it without the relationship.
Another reason that people tend to become single after being in a relationship is trust. If you listened to the song, Shei mentioned going through his things, his cell phone, voicemail, messages, cursing him out, hanging up in his face. Doing things like having other people in your business when you two are going through things, calling exs and stuff like that. People do these things, and these things are things that people DONT want to tolerate. If you think going through someone's things is showing them that you trust them, then maybe you need to rethink your relationship. Maybe you shouldn't be with that person if you feel invading their privacy is necessary.
Be honest with the person you are with also. Of course no one wants to get hurt, but love is a chance that you take when you want someone else in your life. If you do them wrong they have the right to know. People would prefer you be honest than you hide it. If it ends it just wasn't meant to be. No one should deal with someone cheating on them, but people, you should know your significant other, if something is wrong, you will be able to tell if you appreciate them and give them the attention they deserve.
You cant be in a relationship with your guard up, doing things just in case that person leaves. If you are going to be in a relationship you have to give it your all. How will you know if its worth it if you don't. If you half ass your relationship you will find yourself being single. You can't be scared. I know its scary but whatever happens will happen.
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